Bad Bosses: What I learned from 450+ Employee Experiences

Is it Abusive Conduct or a Lack of Emotional Intelligence?

California recently added “abusive” and “disrespectful” conduct to its harassment prevention policies. Other states are following suit.

But what constitutes workplace behavior that is so uncivilized that it is unlawful?

The line between "abusive" behavior and simply being a jerk can often be blurry. While I don't have enough personal experience with bad bosses to consider myself an expert, I wanted to dig deeper into this subject. So, I decided to crowdsource some insight by posing a simple question on my HR-EQ Facebook page:

"Think back to your worst boss ever. What’s one thing they did that drove you absolutely nuts?"

The response? Overwhelming! As of this writing, the post has garnered 453 comments, 227 likes, and 24 shares. My Facebook meta data shows it reached 2,584 people, with 1,060 actively engaging — an impressive 40% engagement rate!

With 46% of respondents identified as women and 53% as men, the responses revealed that experiencing poor management doesn't seem to discriminate by gender either.

This raises a significant question: What do these results say about today’s work environment? Unfortunately, it highlights that many people have endured bad managers. In fact, according to LinkedIn “a staggering 57% of employees report leaving their jobs due to managerial issues.” 

So how do the Facebook respondents describe their bad bosses? This blog will distinguish between feedback that 1) clearly cross the line into abusive conduct or bullying and 2) poor management behaviors that illustrate a lack of emotional intelligence. 

Abusive Conduct

California defines abusive conduct as “conduct of an employer or employee in the workplace, with malice, that a reasonable person would find hostile, offensive, and unrelated to an employer’s legitimate business interests.”

Sadly, many comments highlighted instances of sexual harassment and discrimination, but that’s not the focus of this blog. Equally troubling, however, were stories of abusive conduct that had nothing to do with gender, sex, or other protected category – just unchecked displays of power from bosses who believe their position entitles them to act without restraint. Below is a sampling of some of these disturbing experiences.

·      One boss hit me in the face with a newspaper.

·      She pushed me backwards in front of customers.

·      I stood up for myself and he slapped my face so hard that I actually flew off the chair to the floor and his huge ring gave me a black eye. I was mortified and scared.

·      Slapped me on the face—was trying to be funny.

·      Would have you stay overtime and modify your timecards to make it an 8-hour day.

·      Called my OBGYN to have him reschedule my appointment – and I lost the baby.

 Behaviors like these most often warrant termination rather than attempts at coaching or consulting.  

Lack of EQ 

Mercifully, over half the comments pointed to poor management behaviors stemming from a lack of emotional intelligence. I’ve categorized these comments based on the four core areas of emotional intelligence (EQ), providing examples that illustrate what a deficiency in EQ can look like in the workplace.

If you notice these behaviors in your managers, it’s time to consider EQ training and coaching.

EQ Core Personal Competence Attributes: Self-Awareness & Self-Management

According to Dr. Travis Bradberry & Dr. Jean Greaves’ bestselling book “Emotional Intelligence 2.0, self-awareness is “your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations.”  

They describe self-management as “your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to … manage your emotional reactions to situations and people.”

So, what drove some of our Facebook respondents “nuts?” What does a lack of self-awareness and self-management in the workplace look like?

Moodiness:

o   His mood dictated his decisions.

o   His mood switched so often it gave me anxiety.

o   They seemed angry all the time. They were so unpleasant to be around.

o   I would have to see her attitude when she came in – that would let me know what kind of a day it would be.

o   Came to work in a pissy mood everyday, and then took it out on the employees.

Outbursts:

o   Occasionally just yelled for no particular reason.

o   They screamed and yelled at employees or even colleagues.

o   Yelled and put down everyone in the shop.

o   The boss would throw things!

o   Scream and slam doors – getting emotional for no reason.

o   Threw a tantrum by yelling, cussing, and throwing paperwork.

o   Would be abusive, but then buy the employees gifts.

Egoism:

o   Played with his hair constantly – couldn’t walk past his reflection without watching himself.

o   Talked down to everyone.

o   A legend in his own mind.

o   Liked to throw in our face how much more she made – like pointing out that her sandals cost $250.

o   He was so arrogant that he didn’t even acknowledge my presence – not even a glance or to say “hi.”

o   Took the credit for everything – even things he had no part in.

EQ Core Social Competence Attributes: Social Awareness & Relationship Management

According to Dr. Travis Bradberry & Dr. Jean Greaves, social awareness is “your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them.”

They describe relationship management as “your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully.”

Our Facebook community had plenty to share on this topic! Below is a selection of comments from hundreds of responses, highlighting what a lack of social awareness and poor relationship management looks like in the workplace.

Micromanages: Closely monitors and controls every small detail of an employee’s work, often leading to reduced productivity.

a.        Told me I wasn’t allowed to talk to my fellow employees.

b.         Stood behind me and watched me work. I could feel her breathing on my neck.

c.        He was a micro-manager. So, I went to him with every little thing; checked in with him whenever I needed to make a choice. It drove him to the point of asking me what I was doing. I told him he was micromanaging me, so I was micro-employee-ing him.

d.         Stood behind me while I was typing and kept making me nervous, so I made typing errors, and then wanted to correct each one. If he had left me alone, I wouldn't have made them to begin with.

Belittles: Makes someone feel insignificant by downplaying their value, resulting in fearful and unmotivated employees.

a.        Shamed us in front of other staff. When she got fired, we all got counseling.

b.        Reminded me daily that it was he who got me hired and that he was the one to make out my annual performance report.

c.        She liked to put people down in front of others and embarrass them.

d.        Disrespectful to anyone lower than her.

e.        Made crude jokes belittling people.

Lacks empathy: Unable or unwilling to understand another person’s feelings, often leading to disconnected or insensitive behavior and disengaged employees.

a.        “I was feeling queasy and told him I wasn’t feeling well. He told me to ‘suck it up! About 20 minutes later he came back around again. I asked for a break. He told me to ‘hang in there.’ I threw up on his shoes.”

b.        Assigned me to jobs I wasn’t trained for and then complained I wasn’t getting it done correctly.

c.        He’d cut employees’ hours and then proceed to complain that they weren’t getting as much work done as they did before their hours were cut.

d.        Initially refused my request to travel back home when my father passed away and yelled loudly in the break room how me leaving to attend to family matters would delay the financials for the partners.

e.        No matter how fast your worked, it was never fast enough. I don’t remember ever having a break.

f.           When my father passed away, my mom called to tell me. I told my boss I needed to leave, and she said, “You didn’t see this coming?”

Ignores others’ input: Dismisses or disregards the ideas, feedback, or suggestions of others, often leading to poor collaboration and decision-making.

a.        I went to him about a certain situation that wasn’t going well. He stood up and said “If I wanted this conversation, I would have called you in.” I walked out of his office completely upset. I never spoke to him again.

b.        Refused to buy fans for the shop in the summer when it was 100-degrees.

c.        Dismissed everything I said.

d.        Makes all the decisions with zero input from stakeholders.

Gossips: Makes unverified comments about a colleague’s personal or professional life to others, which can lead to misunderstandings, tension, and a toxic work environment.

a.        She "managed" employees by getting employees to "squeal" or talk smack about another employee. Talked behind employees’ backs. Threw many hardworking and loyal employees under the bus; badmouthed them.

b.        Talks badly about other employees.

c.        Would go to one office and talk badly about one person, then go to that person’s office and talk badly about the first person. When she was done, she would turn it around and accuse others of doing the talking.

 Blames others: Assigns responsibility for a mistake, failure, or problem to a team or individual, without taking accountability for their role in the error.

a.        No matter what he implemented, if things went wrong, it was never his fault.

b.        Focused on a single mistake, rather than on the 99% of amazing stuff done.

 Plays favorites: Consistently shows preferential treatment to certain employees over others, often based on personal biases rather than merit or performance.

a.        Played favorites in order to exert power.

b.        Would sometimes call impromptu meetings and tell everyone except me.

The unfortunate reality is that all of these kinds of behaviors result in disengaged employees and diminished productivity. They are also prevalent in nearly every organization.

The silver lining? These damaging habits can be unlearned and replaced with effective management practices that enhance employee engagement and retention.

Investing in training and coaching for your managers is a far more cost-effective strategy than coping with the high costs associated with employee turnover. By fostering a positive work environment, you can cultivate a motivated and committed team.

Ready to enhance your managers’ emotional intelligence and create a more engaging workplace? Reach out to julia@hr-eq today to explore how HR-EQ can support your organization’s growth and success.